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| Wow.. reality's finally catching up to me, and it is really scary. I'm living senior year in freshman year. Yesterday I was the cool cat sagging my backpack down to my knees, the next I was staying up late nights talking to a so-called boyfriend, and then I blinked and now I'm here, realizing that I'm graduating high school in nine months. I've been living in LALALand, making every excuse to face reality.. anything to evade those tests and personal statements. I simply doubt myself much more than I should, and my standards are too high for my own good. Is settling such a bad thing? Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself, even though I know exactly what I want to do with my life. Well, today I was saddened when I thought about my friends. This year I've built such strong friendships, and it's scary to think that many of us will soon go our separate ways and live our separate lives, only thinking back once in awhile about such high school friendships. Life goes on, it's just a fact of life. It's hard to live thinking my life will be so dramatically changed in a matter of months! I'm really hoping that those promises will stay real this time around.. the "we're going to get an apartment together, even if we drive each other crazy" promises. I really feel that this last year of high school is going to be the best year ever :) So, I want to enjoy every second, every day as a blessing. Yesterday I thought I could never make new friends, but look where I am now.. thinking about where I'd be if I never made the friends I have now. God's grace is hard to grasp, especially when you haven't done anything to deserve it. When He takes away, He always gives something better back :) So for now, I think I'll just live life thinking it'll stay this way. | | |
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Hey Ya'llllll! haha, I miss being back in the south :[ but it's good to be here in Cali. I really did have a great time being back in GA. As soon as I arrived, I got right to doing my maid of honor duties.. barely slept and barely ate, all for the beautiful bride :) I know she had been planning so tirelessly for her entire wedding, and i wanted it to be perfect for her. From Hobby Lobby trips to dipping chocolate pretzels, yum! All well worth it. The wedding was beautiful.. despite my mistakes :( I played "River Flows in You" as she walked down the isle, and I missed a couple (underexaggerating) of notes, forgot to fix her dress as she stood at the alter, and missed more notes as I sang "When God Made You". Man, THE worst maid of HONOR wouldn't you think? but hey. she loves me for the accident prone person i am :) i'm surprised i didn't fall on my face walking the isle and while at it fall asleep right then and there, haha! after all she will be my maid of honor also. next year... ahha, gotcha!
So afterwards I went back to my old DTTA-ers, which was wonderful as usual. A few new members, I'm glad to meet. I had two days to hang out with the old friends :) I went to watch UP with the wifey, and then spent the night at her house. The next day we met with the others at Chili's and went laser tagging as "IRONHIDE". woot woot! I got 4th out of 6th place :D I'm so glad things can be the same between us all; it was like I never left at all.I am blessed with great friends :] It was hard leaving them, but I am confident that the few of us at least will remain friends. Doesn't hurt to be hopeful.
A few days later, I left with the DTTA-ers for a 14 hr car ride to Dallas, Texas. Talk about hot and humid :O A long, uncomfortable and cold ride through the night, but all worth while. I had my ipod hooked up to the car and played TAYLOR SWIFT until the girls started complaining, hahaha. My friends now know that if they ride in my car they're going to have to suffer through country music :P too bad! Anyhoo, Texas was great. Dai Hoi Baptit was fun (despite the fact that I practically slept with my eyes open) and I wish I met the people I met earlier, unfortunately. I met some nice people and reunited with some! No specific interests.. at least anymore :} We'll all meet again next year in CO, but I'm graduating, so that's not likely. As of right now, at least 38 family members want to attend my ceremony, so I have no idea how I will swindle that many tickets.. haha! So it'll be 2 years before I see most of them again :[ Just seems like yesterday when we were in middle school and all in love, HAH. Life flies by, so it won't be too bad. Wow, I'll be my favorite number by then - 19! After it ended my family went to Dallas World Aquarium, which was amazing. God created such beautiful things :] If only I could eat a jellyfish!
So that concludes my summer trip.. to be resumed in a couple of years, just as if time never passed :] Can your heart be in two places at once? Well, I can say now that despite my longing for past memories, I am truly glad that I was given the chance to be here in Cali. Sure, life would have been different, but God has allowed this adjustment to mold me in many ways. Besides, love doesn't know distance, and it will outlast all the bumps along the way.. bumps keep the fire alive! so there's nothing to be afraid of :]
No one probably read this, but it's nice to have my feelings down. Good thing I've been really good about keeping up with my `09 journal, which I titled "A Heart at Peace" :) It really portrays what my focus is this year, especially with so many unexpected events in the near future. A heart that is at peace with whatever happens - a heart at peace with whatever school she gets into and a heart patient for answers. A heart focused on reaching one and only one goal.
love, Grace
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Blah. All of a sudden it feels as if my entire future has fallen out of reach.. I've never been so discouraged or felt so low or questioned my Lord so much as now. I feel like I struggle so much, even more than (should i say heathens?). I know that the price of following my Lord is not free and I know I am not exempt from adversity.. but why? It's so easy to simply quit.. to convince myself that I'm incapable, that I'm dumb, that I'll never make something out of myself or be able to prove others I am worthy. But then I am reminded that I don't have to prove anything to anyone. My Creator in heaven lovingly created and molded me the flawless way He intended me to be, and when I put myself down, I'm putting Him down, too. He accepts me for everything that I am and everything that I'm not. That's the beautiful thing about it.. He reassures me that He has a future planned for me and that He'll never forsake me. If I never fail, if I don't struggle, if I never fall.. I would never have the chance to use the faith that I so often pray for. I pray for faith, and He only lovingly gives me instances in which to use that faith. It's difficult for me to accept at times, but again and again, He never breaks His promises, and most reassuringly of all.. He never makes mistakes. It doesn't matter what I'll be, what I'll do..how, when, or where. All I can do is entrust Him with my future - with my heart's desires, and entirely devote all my being to serve Him and His people.
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This week was such a looong one, and finally over! Relaxing fridays with Friday Night Lights, my new favorite show :) After Bones of course, which doesn't show for another two weeks. So, I signed a contract with a few friends to give up JUNK FOOD until Easter. Yes, that old nemesis of mine.. chocolate :[ will have to wait. Dad recently bought not one, but SIX jugs of NUTELLA just calling out for me! My fault for introducing him to it, haha.. but only out of love! But I know I can do it. If we break the contract, we have to run around the reservoir (1.5 mi), which I really don't see as punishment.. apparently exercising doesn't work for me, so perhaps my last resort will be to just stop eating altogether, haha :P And the tough thing about this week.. it's like we're strangers now. i've come to hate hugs. they mean absolutely nothing. BLAHHH.. SILLY BOYS, TRICKS ARE FOR IMMATURES.. hahaha that wasn't cheesy at all. Anyhoo.. SATs March 14th. All this time neglecting sparc on saturday nights to study better be worth it! Scary thing, though, because all of a sudden I'm already picking senior year classes and signing up for AP exams! Time flies :( Well, I haven't much to complain about - a Savior who loves me, a church family whom i love, a family who supports me, and the best friends that help me get through my days :)
With Love,
Gracee | | |
| So, there's this guy...
I know I like him, but I also know that I would have a problem telling him. I think it would be a selfish act on my part, but I'm starting to wonder if I could deal with never knowing. Knowing me, sure. Yeah, I know what I want and I'll fight for it, but sometimes giving it some time and prayer is just what's best, I guess. Why is it that we turn away from the person standing beside us and chase after the person running the other way? I've always found that odd, but true. I'm just not in it for games; I think a heart broken once is enough. Though God has completely mended it, I'm still not quite willing to give it away. Anyhoo, only He knows the perfect guy.. just all in the right time. Goodness, I'm only 17! I really hope he doesn't read this, hah. As a matter of fact, at this moment, he wouldn't know, and neither would I.
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